The Gift of Failure: First Impressions

Good morning,

I've just completed the Introduction and Chapter 1 of The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey and my first impressions of what is to come are favorable. First and foremost, the author is not a lecturing, "How-could-you?" voice of condemnation. To the contrary, she employs a reassuring, "I'm-with-you" voice as she offers her own parenting approach up for us to understand the journey to raising self-sufficient children.

Ms. Lahey does a particularly masterful job of outlining the history of parenting in America from colonization through the present day in a manageable and entertaining 14 page first chapter. As a father of three, four and under (and a daughter who is 4 going on 16...), I was particularly drawn to her John Locke quotations. Here is one of those gems:

"Locke advises, 'crying is very often a striving for mastery and an open declaration of their insolence or obstinacy: when they have not the power to obtain their desire, they will by their clamor and sobbing maintain their title and right to it' (emphasis Locke's, and I can almost hear the derision dripping from those horrid, emotional words)."

Lahey goes on to outline the progression from parenting as a matter of survival to the helicopter/interventionist approach of today: "Today, parenting is less oxytocin-soaked rosy glow, more adrenaline-fueled oncoming headlight glare."

I recommend it heartily and if the above quotation offers anything, it should be an indication of the sensibility and humor with which Ms. Lahey approaches her subject matter.

Please enjoy!

All MS Faculty Read: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey

I hope you are enjoying the fall weather and are excited for the upcoming fall festivities. One of the best things about fall in North Carolina is that you can actually be outside to experience it! Meanwhile, back in the classroom we are coming to the close of the first trimester, fall sports have ended, homework is becoming more routine and big projects and assessments are waiting in the wings. It is the natural rhythm of the school year, but nonetheless, it can cause anxiety for teachers, parents, and students alike.

In middle school most of what we do is help students to learn to manage these anxieties in a way that develops productive, self aware, and confident learners. While it may seem counterintuitive, it is often the failures during students’ middle school years that prepare them best for the rigors and higher stakes of high school and beyond.

This is the thesis of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey. The middle school faculty has just begun reading this book together in an effort to curate common understandings and language around our learning environment and how best to work with our students around the struggle of learning - especially as it relates to middle school. As the title of Chapter 8 connotes, middle school is a prime time for failure and the relief comes in accepting that fact and using it as an opportunity for growth in a relatively low-stakes setting.

I invite you to join us in our reading. Our goal is to complete the book by Jan. 4, 2016 and to shortly thereafter host a book club-style discussion among faculty and parents about how we can partner together to help support our children through these times of growth. Over the course of the next few months, I will be writing some reflections on the reading through my blog, Life in Grey and I welcome your comments.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.